Out now: a new adventure for 3rd-level characters!
Roleplaying games are a dialogue: a spoken exchange of ideas. John Harper, in Blades in the Dark, calls it ‘the conversation’, and it’s a useful way of thinking about it. As DMs, we’re a bit like the host of that conversation: it’s our job to put people at ease, listen and respond, guide and steer.
You’ve probably heard the introvert/extrovert distinction: one tends to be drained by social interaction (the introvert), while the other is energized by it. It’s a bit reductive, but it got me thinking about our conversation, the one at the D&D table: the things players do that recharge me as a DM, and the things that drain my creative energy.
You’ve probably seen both. Those moments where everyone leans in, eyes on the dice, waiting with bated breath, and the opposite, where people drift, check their phones, stop paying attention. As DMs, we’re expected to be ‘always on’, and while that’s part of the job, some things make that easier, and some things make it harder.
Why write about this? A few reasons. DM burnout is real, especially in games like Dungeons & Dragons, where far more is expected of the Dungeon Master than of the players. I’ve been feeling it myself recently, and it’s a feeling that can creep up on you over time. If you’re a DM, this article might help you spot what’s dragging you down and remind you you’re not alone. If you’re a player, it might offer a bit of perspective from the other side of the screen—what it actually feels like to run a game, and what you can do to help the person who’s hosting that conversation for the rest of you.
Either way, table dynamics are worth talking about. Every group has a rhythm, and the DM isn’t the only person who sets it. In a very real sense, everyone at the table is responsible for everyone else’s fun. If one person is putting in more of the prep but coming away feeling flat and deflated, then the whole group has a part to play in keeping things moving. Alternatively, the game fizzles out, and you never get to experience the joy of a long-running campaign.
Here, then, are some of my ideas. Opinions, really. But since this is a conversation, let me know if you agree or disagree in the comments below.
Boost: listening!
Paying attention, showing an interest in what’s happening: participation, basically. It seems like a small thing, but it has such a positive effect on the whole table.
Drain: not paying attention
Zoning out, missing details, asking for things to be repeated: it’s wearing after a while, and as a DM it has me wondering whether I’m at fault for losing the player’s interest. Of course, some players struggle with because they have ADHD or some other reason. If that’s the case, a little self-awareness goes a long way: take brief notes, ask for summaries at sensible points, or flag to the group that you might need a nudge now and then. It shows you’re still invested, even if your attention wanders.
Boost: being curious
I love, love, love it when players ask me about the world or the lore. It shows they care about the setting, and it gives me ideas to build on.
Drain: side chats
No one can be ‘always on, all the time,’ but going off-topic during key scenes can be really disruptive and breaks the immersion for the rest of the table.
Boost: making things happen
Open the chest. Question the NPC. Try the weird idea. Keeping the game moving is keeping the game alive.
Drain: passivity and analysis paralysis
Waiting to be entertained puts a lot of pressure on the DM. Sometimes as players we need to just do stuff. Overthinking every move or debating plans for ages can be a massive drag for other players and eventually starts to sap the group’s energy. Again, it’s all about rhythm.
Boost: passing the spotlight
My friend James is the quiet master of this. He’s an excellent roleplayer, but his real brilliance is knowing when to let others shine, especially quieter players who maybe need a space to join in. If you have players like this, treasure them! One of the biggest boosts your table can get.
Drain: hogging the spotlight
Players who do this maybe think they’re helping immersion, but when one person starts to dominate a scene, it leaves others disengaged, and forces the DM to manage the balance.
Boost: helping with logistics
I’m always grateful for players who track loot or initiative. Some even share recaps of what happened last session. It lets the DM focus on the game, not the admin.
Drain: leaving it all to the DM
When no one tracks initiative, forgets their own inventory, or needs the plot recapped every session, it starts to add up. The DM ends up carrying not just the story but all the admin too.
Boost: failing forward
It is very easy for 5e players to optimize their way out of fun. I use the Help action! I cast guidance! I use session inspiration to reroll! I have a portent! Why not just . . . let the dice fall where they fall once in a while? Failure isn’t bad. It keeps the story unpredictable and exciting, and without it, there’s no tension (and without tension, is there really any fun?).
Drain: breaking the game
Designing a character to exploit loopholes or ‘win’ the game makes it harder to run and less fun for others. It’s very much a symptom of playing D&D like a video game, and it’s a hard habit to break. Be a good sport.
Boost: creative problem-solving
Players often come up with ideas I’d never think of, and I love that. It doesn’t make my job harder; it gives me more to work with.
Drain: being ‘that guy’
Horny bards, murder-hoboing, edgelord-ism, ‘it’s what my character would do’: you know it when you see it. Ultimately, it’s all the same thing: acting with impunity and expecting no fallout. It shifts all the narrative responsibility onto the DM, and that’s a huge drain.
Boost: trust the DM
Back their rulings, even if they’re not quite rules as written. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Stay in the moment. It’s a huge help in keeping things collaborative and moving.
Drain: adversarial play
Treating the DM like an opponent, or second-guessing every decision, creates needless tension. Most DMs want you to have a good time. Start from that assumption and everything works better.
Boost: reading the room and leaning in
‘Catch the vibe,’ and lean into it. If the scene’s tense, go with it. If it’s silly, join the fun. Games run better when players match each other’s energy.
Drain: undermining tone
You don’t need jokes in every scene, and you don’t need edginess in a game of whimsy and joy. Figure out what tone the group is going for and work with it, not against it.
Final thoughts
Every table’s different. This isn’t about being perfect, just noticing patterns. If anything here rings true, maybe it’s something to hold onto—or review. And if you’ve never really asked what lifts or drains your DM . . . well, no harm in asking!
If you like what I do, please support me on Patreon or buy my products on DriveThru RPG. You can follow me on Bluesky @scrollforinit and Instagram @scrollforinitiative. And if you want to make my day, you can buy me a coffee here.